My Partner Has ADHD, How Do I Help?
Perhaps you have known all along that your partner has ADHD or they have a new diagnosis. Maybe you are just starting to date someone who just disclosed that they have ADHD. Whatever the situation, their symptoms may have an impact on their daily functioning and thus your overall relationship.
You want to support your partner and strengthen your bond, but you might not be sure how to get started or cope. Let's examine how you can help your partner with ADHD.
What to Expect When Dating Someone with ADHD
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects 2.5-4% of adults. (1) This implies there is a good chance that even adults who are not currently receiving treatment for ADHD are suffering from it.
If you are new to the ADHD dating situation, it can be difficult to comprehend what it is like to date someone with ADHD because many of them have developed strategies for masking their symptoms. You might notice the following behaviors if your partner has ADHD.
Disrupted Sleep Cycles
One of the most typical symptoms of ADHD in adults is disturbed sleep patterns. Currently, it is thought that 25% to 50% of individuals with the disorder have trouble sleeping. (2) These issues can include difficulty getting asleep and keeping asleep as well as insomnia and nightmares. Some of this can be attributed to rushed thoughts and sudden bursts of energy. These sleep cycle disruptions might result in fatigue during the day and excessive caffeine consumption, which only makes matters worse.
Forgetfulness
In a similar manner, even if your partner was seemingly paying attention, they can forget crucial dates or events. Someone with ADHD frequently forgets about commitments, tasks, and significant deadlines. Working memory is significantly impaired in those with ADHD, which might make it challenging to remember information. People with ADHD frequently have to devise techniques to compensate for their memory problems.
Hyper-Focus
Surprisingly, hyper-heightened attention is one of the normal symptoms of adult ADHD. (3) Your ADHD partner can hyper-focus on the things that fascinate or appeal to them because they are motivated by dopamine, which their brain struggles to produce or utilize properly. Hyperfocus on desirable tasks or behaviors might provide the dopamine rush that their brains are craving. This partner may readily quit and walk away when something fails to elicit that emotion.
Emotional Sensitivity
Living with an ADHD partner can also lead to unpredictable mood swings. (4) Your partner can have a hard time controlling and balancing their emotions. This may be from commonly comorbid conditions such as bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, and/or depression. Mental health conditions such as these commonly exist at the same time. Another consideration for the emotional concerns in ADHD is rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). While not an official DSM-5 diagnosis, RSD is worth giving attention. It is thought that persons with ADHD and RSD make efforts to avoid rejection and generally tolerate rejection poorly (5). Behavior reactions may occur quickly and with a great outburst or reaction. Patients may also shut down completely or overcompensate by people-pleasing.
Organizational Struggles
It is fairly typical to observe an ADHD person's home to be disorganized and cluttered. Your partner with ADHD could appear to have forgotten to tidy up after themselves or even to plan their schedule. Contrary to what it may seem, they are not muting or ignoring things in favor of more important things. Everything stems from an inability to effectively prioritize what needs to be done and other executive function impairments.
Best Ways to Support A Partner with ADHD
Despite the challenges you may experience, there are still certain ways you may support your ADHD partner. Seek to be an encouragement to them rather than trying to parent or "fix" them. Find your greatest patience, be straightforward with one another, and avoid any room for misunderstandings.
Patience Is The Key
In a relationship in which one or more partners have ADHD, patience is a necessity. Even if your partner receives the necessary support, nothing will change for the better immediately. Everything takes time. Even though you are aware of how you are feeling and being affected, you still need to have compassion for your partner and understand where they are coming from. If maintaining a healthy relationship is vital to you, you must approach the situation with patience and a clearer understanding of your common goals as partners..
Educate Yourself
When your partner has ADHD and you do not, it is common to feel burdened. You can end up doing a lot more of the physical and emotional effort than you anticipated and picking up their slack. Before you can implement any lasting changes, you will probably need to educate yourself, ask for assistance from an expert, or both. Asking for help from others is always ok!
Work On Communication
Without open and honest communication, an ADHD relationship cannot survive. Before major issues occur, you must communicate with your partner what is on your mind and in your heart. You can not simply accomplish this by stomping around and pointing the finger at them for the errors their disorder causes. Instead, adopt a fresh strategy. One that enables them to share freely and openly with you.
Offer Advice When Asked
You may be able to come up with a thousand suggestions to make your partner's life simpler. But too much advice can come out as terribly condescending. You should continue to treat your partner equally. Additionally, it may entail acknowledging that they do not require or want your advice. Consider responding "Do you want advice or do you just want me to listen?" when your partner is having a hard time. Walking away when feeling frustrated instead of acting in anger is vital as well.. If you are willing to ask, they will let you know when guidance would be useful.
There is no reason why you and your ADHD partner can not enjoy a completely healthy relationship. You can do it with some guidance and lots of kindness.
If you suspect you or your partner have ADHD and need support, contact Spectrum Mental Health Care for psychiatry and mental health services in Columbus, Ohio today. We offer psychiatric evaluations and therapy services. We are here to provide open, affirming support.
614-697-3339
info@spectrummentalhealth.com
REFERENCES
https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/adhd/what-is-adhd
https://www.sleepfoundation.org/mental-health/adhd-and-sleep
https://www.healthline.com/health/adhd/adhd-symptoms-hyperfocus
https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd/
